About Sheilanova
I used to think of myself as a confident person UNTIL I caught feelings for a guy.
Then I would become insecure.
I would over-analyze his every move.
If I was dating someone who I really liked, a part of me felt like I couldn’t speak my truth for fear that I would reveal the “true” me, which of course, would make a guy want to run in the other direction.
I always dated amazing men. But the majority of them never wanted to commit to a serious relationship with me, and for the ones who did, I felt lackluster about the whole thing.
Most of them told me they loved me and spent quality time with me. But they definitely made it clear they did not want to call me their girlfriend.
It always seemed like the men I were attracted to weren’t exactly attracted to me - or at least not enough to want a committed relationship with me.
I believed there was something intrinsically unlovable about me.
It seemed so easy for my other friends to fall in love and get married and start families.
Clearly, there was something wrong with me.
Or so I thought.
2012 was the year I decided to make a change.
And by 2013, I was a completely different person.
By 2013, I was the most emotionally secure and self-confident person I knew.
In early 2012, I was dating an amazing man. But per usual, he made it very clear he didn’t want to commit to me.
And per usual, I become very insecure around him. Overthinking was a sport for me. I took everything he said personally. My relationship anxiety was through the roof. I incessantly thought about him. I constantly strategized ways to get him to realize I was the best woman for him. I spent hours stalking his Facebook page.
Basically, I hated who I was.
That year, I vowed to myself that he would be the last man who I felt insecure about.
I had dated enough men to realize that I was the problem.
But if I was the problem, then I was also the solution.
I didn’t know how I was going to find the solution, but I was determined to set out and at least try.
There was a very small part of me that whispered to me that it was possible to feel neutral in the face of rejection.
If I could feel neutral in the face of rejection, I would stop all of my unwanted behaviors - I would calmly walk away instead of waiting around making myself more anxious and crazy.
I set out on a journey that was fraught with failure. But by 2013, I had a life-altering transformation:
- I became an outrageously self-confident and secure woman.
- It was impossible to offend me.
- It was impossible for me to take things personally.
- When men rejected me, I didn’t feel neutral, I felt delighted.
But I also noticed things outside of me changing:
- There was an influx of men in my dating life who I wanted a relationship with who ALSO wanted a relationship with me, too!
- When I changed, my dating life changed.
- When I changed, the men I attracted into my life changed.
- When I changed, my dreams started to become a reality.
My dream was to get married and have a family.
Today, I live in Austin, TX with my dream-boat husband and our precious 2-year-old daughter.
Back in 2012 when I was fumbling through my own transformation, I made a promise to myself:
If I can figure out how to feel neutral in the face of rejection, then I will make it my life’s purpose to teach this skill to every woman on the planet.
Because let’s face it, when you’re not spending hours a day obsessing over a non-committal dude, you’re focusing on the things that matter.
When you’re focusing on the things that matter, the quality of your life greatly improves.
Anyone, no matter their background, can learn the skill of self-confidence and emotional security.
These 2 skills will allow you to show up very powerfully in your life - and not in a domineering way.
In fact, arrogance comes from insecurity. It’s a type of false-confidence used to cover up a deep-seated insecurity underneath. I know this well, because I used to be domineering.
When you develop self-confidence and emotional security, your true confidence shines.
You navigate difficult situations with ease.
You don’t take things personally.
You stop people-pleasing.
You take risks to go after your dreams.
And you set yourself up for success.
